Do you hear that? Yes, that wince-inducing rasping sound coming from your chest cavity? That, people, is the sound of the dating industry scraping the barrel for a new way to have us all ensnared in Cupid's trap by teatime. As if the ravages of speed dates, blind dates… read more…

We know that The Sun is a crappy, pointless arsewipe of a newspaper, and we know their journos lie sometimes, but we’d like to point out to them for the sake of our own sanity, that journalism is more fun if you at least try to make it believable. Case… read more…

Get ready to go wild, you stridently heterosexual, barely-literate builder-types. For Nuts magazine has just released an all nude issue. And for those of you still scratching your heads and wondering what all the other issues were about, just shut up and look at the nipples. The difference, we are… read more…

Notorious rock slut, Cilla Black, announced this morning that she is to represent Bethnal Green's Bangladeshi community in the upcoming Eurovision Song Contest when she returns from her drug-fuelled honeymoon in the Seychelles with new husband, Russ Abbott. Speaking exclusively to Glitterditch in her trademark crotchless burkha the flame-haired beauty… read more…

It's nothing less than fantastic when po-faced news readers break down in giggles mid bulletin. Actually make that in the middle of an obituary. On BBC4. Poor auld Charlotte Green... Thing about giggles, too, they're catching. Co-presenter James Naughtie (what a great name) was doubled up minutes later about pending… read more…

We're playing about this afternoon. So look! It's us on the cover of Vogue! No, we didn't sit there for hours playing with photoshop. There's important stuff to be doing with our day. We've been playing on Mag My Pic. Which is lots of fun. We put pics of… read more…

Yes, we know that headline sounds like a bad TV show. But Kylie is apparently happy to go dating. We imagine her search for a man is going to be a lot more successful than the Gordon Brown search we told you about yesterday. Maybe Channel Four could put… read more…

Poor old Sir Paul saw in the New Year having angioplasty, which is apparently a bit like 'fixing a hole' and helping the blood flow. Ouch. It's been 'a hard day's night' but Glitterditch just hopes he's better for fighting Ms Mills in their court battle next month. Maybe… read more…

We're not getting all 'Royal' on you, but Queen Lizzie is London's most famous woman, so we aught to mention her today. She's now the longest living monarch we've ever had. But this got us thinking about all the other types of Queen we're fans of too...… read more…