Russell Brand is a giant arsehole

What the fucking cunting bollocks does he think he is doing? People spend years of their life studying this stuff, and there are a million well-written philosophy books out there for those who are interested. Philosophy graduates and academics have a hard enough time with cretinous members of the ignorant underclass taking any opportunity to crowbar their half-baked bullshit into polite conversation. And we don't even want to get started on the fact that no philosophy grad worth their salt would waste more than 100ml of piss on a tree that fell in the forest, did or did not make a sound, and then burst into welcome flames.

The word 'philosophy' is so comprehensively misused that we need a Wittgensteinian re-write of language just to begin to describe it. Companies use the phrase 'philosophy' to mean 'corporate bullshit on which we base our marketing', and faux-intelligent celebrities like Madonna insist on contradicting and re-contradicting themselves in a torrent of illogical bullshit under that eternally misapplied title.

And so, so. We will not be having any of this. A man who thinks that “West Ham, Morrissey and tea-bagging” are 'potent ontological metaphors' is less worthy of another booky-wook than he is of a fishook to the guts. He doen't even know what 'ontological' means, and that makes him unqualified to do philosophy. We'd suggest that he stick to stand-up comedy, but he was painfully shit at that as well.