Baying For Britten's Blood

Glitterditch is a little red-faced this morning. After demanding the barman 'stick another gin' in a fifth cocktail, there followed an unhappy slither to the floor in full view of a restaurant packed to the rafters. On a Monday night too. But shit happens as they say, and we'd rather be us than Fern 'big fat liar' Britten today.

The finger-waggers are out in force because our favourite daytime dame's gastric band surgery has been found out, thanks to the Sunday red tops, led by The News of the World. Now is this a disproportionate reaction bordering on a witch hunt? Or a deserved retraction of trust in someone who had a duty to the public to be truthful?

Here at Glitterditch, we can't help but fall on the side of the first presumption. Surely the results speak for themselves, as Ms Britten has slimmed down from a whopping size 22 to the national average size 16. Armchair critics lambast Fern for hypocrisy and misleading her fans, but we smell a rat. Or rather a Ryvita Crispbread...

As the face of Ryvita, Fern picks up a cool £200k every year. Which means every year she's the fatty figurehead for wannabe slimmers across the land. And now she's gone the way of the skinnies, the terminal dieters want some answers. As one put it, "She is hardly the big woman's role model now."

Now really. Give yer pieholes a rest. The real reason these people are pissed off is because a) it's become glaringly apparent that stuffing yourself with enough Ryvita Minis to feed an army won't magic you thin and b) now Fern doesn't look like a heart attack with a hairdo and high heels, there's no figurehead to hide behind and no weak excuses to justify hoovering a family bucket before tea.

Instead of screaming 'Fraud!' at Fern, her right to privacy at the means employed in her weight loss should be respected and the ends should be saluted. So leave off, Daily Mail et al, and bother a politician who really deserves it.

That is all.

Image courtesy of mandj98's photostream on Flickr.

Written by Ria on 3 Jun 2008 3:00 PM. Permalink