Wimbledon fortnight is upon us once again. Exorbitantly priced strawberries, vain hope that one of our mediocre sports-people will bring glory back to Britannia and, of course, all that grunting and groaning. They're hitting a winning backhand: you close your eyes and conjure up an altogether different picture. Believe… read more…

News reaches us that Amy Winehouse's body temporarily failed in its valiant efforts to maintain consciousness. The singer had a fainting fit outside her house earlier this week, fanning the raging fires of speculation that she's a train wreck on spindle shanks, heading for death. The question burning on… read more…

Gay people have been in for a bashing recently. Or perhaps not, depending on who you listen to. Scientists have discovered differences in people's brains that may well prove that people are born gay rather than turned by an appropriate Judy Garland movie or childhood incident. We can't help… read more…

NO! Stoppit. Right. Now. This is a plea to publishers everywhere. We know you are easily influenced and manipulated by celebrity. The fact that Geri Halliwell has been allowed to spew her mindless self-aggrandising crap at 5-7 year olds is bad enough. But we swear down that we will… read more…

You know that we're never ones to slag off celebrities. Those hard-working, world-weary folk do their darnedest to make sure that we always have something to read in the papers. God forbid, if ever they were to disappear we might have to actually get on with our lives, or… read more…

Good God. If ever there was a person in need of some direction, it's Pete Doherty. Shambolic mismanagement abounds as his latest example of absolute fuckwittery demonstrates. This time it's his finances causing him a headache: apparently the Babyshambles frontman has failed to keep an eye on his bank… read more…

Fashion news just in: we've noticed that green really is the colour du jour. Not to wear sillies. To be! Are you recycling your empties, composting veg peelings and growing your own lettuce? No? Then shame on you and your giant fee-fi-fo-fum carbon footprint. Joining in with the ticking… read more…

Remember what you were doing in 1999? Likely you were all premature ejaculation (either giving or receiving) and angst-ridden emotional ineptitude. God, it was shit wasn't it? The one saving grace of that torturous time was probably the music you were living out your humiliations to, unless of course… read more…

You'd better relish this post, because it's the last time we'll be discussing the television travesty that is Big Brother 9. Ever. We implore you to embrace the nearly-weekend buzz filling the air and get the hell out of your house this evening, lest one's misguided channel-flicking-finger should make… read more…

Something about teenaged cool lends itself to being misappropriated by the middle classes. Bear with us and we'll explain, although we can't guarantee a complete lack of pomposity. Ten years ago, when we and our readers were hanging around in parks desperately trying to look fashionable, hoodies weren't common.… read more…

Politicians are funny folk. Courtesy of the BBC, we learn that David Cameron has given Big Gordo a stern warning over proposed car tax hikes. Us voters won't stand for it see? We'll have him unseated and out to pasture quicker than you can say 'credit crunch doom'. Seems… read more…

Last night the Glamour awards took place in right posh Berkeley Square. Mainstream media whores were out in force, sucking ass like a Dyson on three inch shagpile. And us Glitterditchers - always ready with a fat bribe to sneak in through the back door - had our spies… read more…

Glitterditch is a little red-faced this morning. After demanding the barman 'stick another gin' in a fifth cocktail, there followed an unhappy slither to the floor in full view of a restaurant packed to the rafters. On a Monday night too. But shit happens as they say, and we'd… read more…