Tramp Stamps
The Lady and the Tramp Stamp
Just as mothers bond with mothers over babies in the queue at M & S, badasses bond with badasses over their tattoos. Get yourself inked up and you'll soon find, as I did, that other folks with tramp stamps will crawl out of the woodwork and befriend you out of the blue. If you've just moved to the big city and have no mates I promise that you'll have new pals quicker than you can say, "Ow, that fucking hurts, dude!" if you get yourself a tat.
The only other sure-fire way to make instant friends is to turn up at a Socialist Workers Party meeting. I did this once when I was bored, had no money and couldn't afford to go the pub. It looked like it might be interesting. They were so thrilled at my attendance that I thought I'd stumbled upon a fucking cult. Love bombing? I've never known anything like it. By the time I left I was in charge of publicity for Hammersmith & Fulham. I had to confess later, by email, that I wasn't sure I was really a socialist - I was simply skint - and request that they stop calling me!
Some people make a career out of being 'inked'. Take Isobel Varley who holds the Guinness World Record for most tattooed senior woman. Her various tattoos include a mouse blowing onto her genitals and she's even had her vulva needled. Sexy.
If you're looking for a tattoo artist in London, I can recommend mine. But please think about your design. If you get something like this twat I guarantee you will almost certainly lose friends and no one will ever want to have sex with you.
Image of "Modesty's First Tattoo" from Rev Dan Catt's photostream on Flickr.
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