Eyes Front, Hands Where We Can See 'Em

We hate to break it to you, but all that time spent gazing into the limpid orbs of your significant other has been wasted. See, if you must insist on scratching around for emotional depth (yawn), then go straight for the hands, for they are the true window to one's soul. The eyes? Them's just for seeing.

This shit is scientific you know. According to researchers, if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, your parents have raised a testosterone-pumped sporting goon. But if your finger length is t'other way round, you're probably an air-kissy social hand grenade with a substance abuse problem.

There's more where that came from. Show a panel of experts a series of female hands and they will be able to guess the owner's age pretty damn accurately. Good eh? Apparently the dead giveaway for a lady-of-advanced-years is bloody great protrudent, sluggy veins. So to test the theory, we had a butcher's at Sarah Jessica Parker's and Madonna's.

The verdict? They are both ancient. Old as the hills. Possibly even preserved in a mild pickling agent.

Before there's a hissy fit, we got the fix too. Simply raise your hands skywards and allow the blood to drain downwards. So come on grandma: wave your hands in the air like you just don't care ~~that you're eligible for a free bus pass and discounted incontinence pants~~.

Handy advice, eh?

Image courtesy of rannamaari's photostream on Flickr.

Written by Ria on 16 May 2008 2:17 PM. Permalink