Drugs: bad. Strippers: good

Earlier this week we made the ill-researched suggestion that perhaps medication might be a good way to start curing depression. It turns out that might not be the case, at least according to Paul Saffron, a 43 year old lawyer from Highgate. Pleading the oft-used and rarely-valid excuse of depression, the man went on what can only be described as an embezzlaganza, ripping off his firm for more than £200,000 and then spending it on strippers.

Alas, though, the strippers weren't there to ease his pain and bring the sunshine of serotonin. They were merely there to ensure that, should he be caught with one hand in the till and the other in his pants, the shame would be so great that he would be compelled to top himself. Because topping himself straight off just wouldn't have cut it. We offer him today's 'Sad Fucker' award, on account of the fact that his depression must have increased exponentially after he discovered that the money and boobs had run out and all he had to look forward to was a jail sentence and a whacking bill for court costs.

And while we're wallowing in it, Glitter is also sad to discover that in certain parts of London, 8 out of 10 crimes go unsolved. Which means that our new Fuhrer has a lot of work to do, and it won't all be solved by throwing bendy buses away and talking earnestly about multiculturalism.

Last but not least, we are sad to discover that of the 2 in 10 crimes that do get solved, one of them involves finding and disposing of over half a million pounds worth of home-grown marijuana. We suggest that you take some action soon if you're partial to a smoke at the weekends. Go out and mug a hippy before supplies run low - the stats are on your side, and you're 80% likely to get away with it.

Photo courtesy of muyuy74 on Flickr.

Written by Nikki on 15 May 2008 7:24 PM. Permalink