Depression hits all-time high

If you're feeling so blue you can't be frigged to get out of bed of a morning, or wash, or even eat, there's a possibility you could be suffering from depression. Either that or you're just plain lazy and it's high time you put the kettle on and got your act together.

But if you're having actual suicidal thoughts a cup of tea might not cut the mustard, and we're not doctors but we reckon that something pharmaceutical with at least three syllables might be the way forward. A new medical report from Ireland reveals that about a third of people with depression experience frequent thoughts of death or suicide.

"Research has shown that there is a link between depression and suicide," says Professor Patricia Casey of University College Dublin in the pole-vault medical quote of the century that no one saw coming.

The answer, according to Professor Casey, is "medication and/or specific types of psychotherapy". She omits to mention "just ending it all", which is, of course, another option.

But, if everything else fails, before Beachy Head there's Betty Butterfield...