Orchid or Awkward? - Glitterditch

Glittersnitch was on snitch patrol for the launch of Orchid last week. Tabloid fodder out in force, it was overwhelmingly resemblant of a Big Brother reunion in the VIP area as Nikki Grahame, Aisleyne and those twins Samanda (who have been giving good red carpet recently and still impossible to tell apart) downed cheap champagne, compared column inches and having exhausted that subject, put on another layer of bronzing powder. GS sidled in for a bit of gossip but found that its a bit like dialing a call centre with the identikit reality tv/tabloid set. Press 1 for sex tape revelation. Press 2 for style advice on minimal budget/taste. Press 3 for dieting hell. Stay on the line for a smooth PR operater.

Obviously Jodie Harsh was there to provide a bit of street cred. Drag Queens are hot right now. In fact these days if you want your party to be cool you only need to pen an invite for Jodie and enclose a cheque for 5k. Job done. The Geldof sisters used to be a safe press bet too but Peaches is a bit too much of a madam these days and there's never any guarantee that Pixie will even get in (being underage an' all). So if you're a venue or a Z lister (Aisleyne) and want a snap in thelondonpaper you're far safer hanging around with Jodie or popping round to Amy Whinehouse's at 5am. Just don't forget to bring lollipop's...

Up and coming band The Krak played an impressive set, peaking at the point when poster boy Tom, veeeryy attractive in a louche, indie rocker kinda way, stripped off his shirt mid-set, causing a stilleto-stampede for front stage. However, weaving through the sychophrenic crowd: part indie, part trashy. GS was blinded on route by a set of very white teeth... with Jodie Marsh attached. At least we think it was Jodie Marsh, it could of been her alter ego Jodie Harsh, or in fact it could been a cut-out cartoon, such the level of her make up. Apart from faint look of panic in her eyes and the moving teeth suggesting life force, there was nothing else really to identify her as an actual person. She could have carved her initials in her forehead and not drawn blood.

Anyhow we digress: Orchid.

Hastily rebranded as Orchid after a spot o' bother at the old CC club, Orchid is a venue that lacks any firm idenity. Like a prom queen smoking behind the bikesheds, it can't quite work out whether it wants to befriend the cool kids or just stick with what it knows best. An indie set by The Cazels was followed by Girls Aloud. Cosmopopolitan cocktails were served with sausages on a stick. It was like mum had gone to Iceland via Hoxton Square. I"m not saying its bad, quite the opposite: I had a great time. I'm just confused as to why the promoters tried to change it at all. Lets be honest, a Leicester Square location next door to a sex museum is never going to entice the likes of Kate Moss. But there's nothing wrong with that. At last count the promoters of the old CC club where pulling in figures that would make you and I blush. In its new guise Orchid is, well a bit awkward. Still I'm judging it on the opening party and they rarely resemble the real thing anyway. I think this could be a great night out for the Embassy, Chinawhite masses and with a 900 person capacity a very handy venue for events and launches. The press release didn't give any details away as I imagine they're still working it out but if you're interested in checking it out for yourself then head on down from 5-7pm on a week night and you'll get a vol' a vont with your vodka, as they're handing out the canapes for free. And where, I ask is any party without bite sized sausages? I'm sure Jodie Marsh would attest to that.....

Written by GlitterSnitch on 22 Apr 2008 2:04 PM. Permalink