Cilla Black to enter Eurovision

Notorious rock slut, Cilla Black, announced this morning that she is to represent Bethnal Green's Bangladeshi community in the upcoming Eurovision Song Contest when she returns from her drug-fuelled honeymoon in the Seychelles with new husband, Russ Abbott. Speaking exclusively to Glitterditch in her trademark crotchless burkha the flame-haired beauty told us she'd been snorting ketamine for three days straight and was gurning like a bitch but that she'd finished working on a killer track, penned by Pete Doherty and Madonna, entitled 'Fuck Ya Mum (Free Tibet)' and says it's "the tits".

We fear there's so much beauty and talent in the world we may have to turn to drugs ourselves...